i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
