We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
