Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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