there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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