If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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