he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
