I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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