ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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