Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize