i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
