STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
