I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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