why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
