So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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