what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
