I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
