It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
