Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
