The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
