yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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