beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
