This is not my ceiling
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize