dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Operation Purity has been aborted
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
