So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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