i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
