Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
