I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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