there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
