you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
