I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
