I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
