Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
