He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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