your room smells of hookers.
And success
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
