we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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