And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
