i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
