you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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