i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
