apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
