Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
bring money and cleavage
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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