ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
