yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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