You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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