what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
