and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize