Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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