Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
