My nipple is on Facebook.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just invented taco cereal.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize