Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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