PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
