I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
