Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
