All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
