i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
