me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
