He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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