so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
