You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
