I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
