hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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