so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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