apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
