I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ketchup is God's man juice
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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